What if?
by redex
Summary: PG for HitonariAkane shonen-ai. Hitonari finally confesses his feelings... and Akane reacts. The gaining of wisdom is always a painful experience. [ONESHOT]


Ah, first order of buisness, this new double-spacing thing caught me off-guard and I wasn't about to reupload the damn thing, so if you see something wonky, feel free to review and tell me. I might actually get around to fixing it. ; So, yey for the third english I'll ficcie! As always, AU timeline.

Hitonari/Akane onsided, but not angsty. Just a little. More like just an explination. I probably could have done it better, but yanno. Trying to get back into a rythum here. 3 to Fyre for being the wonderful co-fangirl that she is! And dedicated to Porticulis, who really is the most important guy in my life. :P

**Disclaimer:** Red doesn't own I'll. Je suis desole, mais c'est vrai. ;-; Je pense que je ne peut pas faire ca si bon que M. Hiroyuki Asada. ;)

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**What if?**

_by_

_**Red**_

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Hitonari sat on a block on the roof of the school, hand on chin, watching the movement below him. He was not going to take part; he felt he was better off sitting up where he was. He would rather be missed or glazed over than the centre of attention he didn't feel he deserved nor would live up to.

The group of friends below him were just sitting around, talking and laughing. His heart was stabbed a little at the idea that he was outside that circle, but contented himself with just watching them. Sumire, Mika, and Harumoto had followed Akane up here. Hitonari didn't like that. He didn't like that his private time had been encroached upon. Especially when he knew just as well as Mika that Sumire had a thing for Akane. From what he understood, they had been best friends for a long time. Standard procedure. Normally, Hitonari would be indifferent. Who cared whether a friend had a girl or not, as long as it didn't interrupt his health, sanity, or basketball?

But, no, Hitonari was irked by her presence because he, Hiiragi Hitonari had fallen for his greatest opponent, Tachibana Akane.

Which presented some difficulties.

The first and most obvious one, being: they were both guys.

The second, compounding the first, was that Hitonari saw absolutely no reason to tell Akane how he felt.

But now... now that he could see the danger before him, the danger in those laughing faces, what would he choose? It was on old question, one of those clichés that giggling girls asked each other in games of "What if?".

What if you were in love with a guy and he didn't know it, and he was going to go out with another girl?

What could he do?

This was not a multiple-choice question. There were no hints.

Despite how he may try, there was very little chance that Harumoto would get to Sumire first, and that she would actually accept.

Hitonari wasn't even sure if what Harumoto was feeling was just a crush, or perhaps the large teen had actually fallen for that little girl.

It didn't really matter in the end. What mattered was: if Sumire were to come out about her feelings to Akane, how would he react? Would they end up dating? Would Hitonari break?

The Hiiragi sighed heavily and slouched down further, watching as Harumoto, then Mika, then Sumire drifted away. The sun was going down.

"Are you going home now?"

Hitonari blinked in surprise and looked down at where the voice had come from. "Oh, soon, I guess," he said back to the black haired teen below him. "It's not like I have anything better to do..." he mumbled to himself. Akane didn't seem to have heard.  
  
In the end, Hitonari was left by himself long after Akane had gone. He was in a bitter, depressed frame of mind, counting off in his head all the girlfriends his brother had brought home over the years, compared to his own. Admittedly, he was gay, so he wasn't entirely obligated to bringing girls home, but he hadn't gotten up the courage to tell his parents that, had he? And once he had left the home and their eternal influence, he had given himself a reprieve, convincing himself that it didn't matter any more.

But, then along came this Tachibana kid...  
  
It was late. He had not realized how late. He stirred from his uncomfortable position on the rooftop. It was cool out, but the sky was clear and the stars bright. The moon was not yet up; at this time of year that meant that it could not but be before midnight. He had been here since around 8; he must have slept longer than he thought. Still, he laid back and watched the stars. The Milky Way was a shimmering cloud spreading across the centre of his vision, with the more absent space around it. Shooting star, meteor. His eyes fixed on a few particular stars, so clear that they looked as though they were simply sparks in the sky, that if he brought his hand up he could cup them and bring them down to him. He had a sudden vision of being dragged towards one of those giants, facing down the huge fiery mass. He shivered. No, he was humbled. In the end, this little trifling love of his meant nothing to those things up there. He was no less startled when someone spoke out loud, interrupting his thoughts.

"Have you not left yet, idiot?"

Hitonari schooled himself to calm, and just tilted his head towards the intruder. "No, I haven't," he replied, stoically, as the dark figure sat down beside him heavily, and dropped a bag at his feet. "Why are you here?" he asked, unable to stay his curiosity Tachibana lived with his parents and family, as far as Hiiragi knew. Wouldn't he be expected to be at home?

"Parents having a spat, little sister away at a friend's house. Didn't want to stay home and deal with it...not that it's any of your business."

Hitonari sighed, watching as his breath misted. He was cold.

"Are there... any problems?" It took him a long time to think over whether or not he was allowed to say something like that. He didn't know what to do if the answer was "yes".

"Not really..."

The friendly shade lifted something to his cylinder to his lips and drank slowly. "I just don't like being around when it happens, yanno?"

Hiiragi sighed. He knew.

"Yeah," he found himself saying. "My parents used to fight over me some times. I take after my mother, she'd take my side, and my father was always pushing for him and my brother... It usually ended up in a stalemate and I'd end up doing what my father wanted me to do..."

His opposite looked at him for a moment before continuing sipping at his drink. They sat in silence for a while, staring up at the empty, and yet full, sky. It was a surprisingly dark night; usually you couldn't see the stars this well.

"Tachibana..._Akane_..." After the name was off his tongue, Hitonari paused. He wasn't sure why... He wasn't sure that he could do it... but as always, he went through with it, he might find it not as bad as all the supposing. All the What ifs.

"I... I'm gay."

Well, there, the first part was out.

"And - umm, well, I like you. In a... more-than friends way."

If Hitonari hadn't looked away after his explanation he might have seen the freezing of the movement in the other figure. There was a pause, in which Hitonari squeezed his eyes closed and whispered prayers under his breath.

"Well... I guess you have to know, I'm not gay. At all."

Hiiragi cursed softly and curled up, his subconscious taking over where his normal will should have taken over. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to be friends with you, Hitonari."

The voice was sharp, and the hand on Hiiragi's shoulder, warm. He gave in, and rolled back over onto his back, and forced himself to sit up.

"Alright."

He was startled to how rough his voiced sounded when he was holding back tears. "I guess it's just better that you know how I feel."

He stood up and made to grab for his bag, but yet again Akane's hand caught him, this time around the wrist.

"Not everyone will reject you, Hitonari. If I can say this without sounding gay myself, you're an alright guy."

Hitonari took a deep, shaky breath, and smiled slightly. His wrist was released. "Thanks Akane," he murmured, grabbing the strap of his bag and pulling it over his shoulder. He was thankful. It helped, a little. That didn't mean that he wouldn't be moping around for the next few days, and be extremely embarrassed to spend time alone with Tachibana for a while, but it helped. Perhaps they could manage to go on like they had before, and this horrible pain in his chest would fade away.

He managed to get back to his apartment that night safely, though slowly, and when he got up the next day it was noon. He still felt disgusting, and had cried profusely, despite it being ingrained in him that crying was not for men to do. He still spent the next few days eating, sleeping, watching television, reading, and moping. But in the end, the pain faded a little bit, and he could get back into his usual habits. Akane had rejected him, but still liked him as a friend. That was something. And maybe he would fall for someone next time who would actually return the favour. That was another something. Those somethings would keep him going for a while, if he let them. And he did.

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Tuhduh, mildly good ending, no?

I think we're getting the handle on Hitonari charectorization... though this doesn't show it very well. ;;;; Thanks for reading! Please review, constructive critism is always very muchly appreciated!


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